"How do you stay in your masculinity when your partner is seeing other people?"

This is an excellent question that someone asked me & I was sure it needed an extended answer & I was not prepared to elaborate within that space & time. So here it is.

Masculinity is a matter of perspective & interpretation; everyone views masculinity differently & therefore exhibits it/ personality separately. Some see masculinity as being tough & rugged or loud and having an overpowering sense of bravado. To me, masculinity is one side of the same coin of energy (the other being feminine) & is essential to our understanding of our psychology & physiology within this physical & metaphysical realm.

I grew up through my adolescence without a father figure & therefore had to decide my interpretation of masculinity. I made mistakes throughout this journey, but they created a fast learning curve.

To me, masculinity is taking responsibility for everything within your power & in some cases, for things out of your control for those you care about. It is about watching for those we love & protecting them from malicious intentions.

We as individuals control nothing but our breath & our thoughts; if you can control those two things, you’re already steps ahead in staying in your masculinity.

But I know that I do not control or have power over anyone; my partner or partners are their people. I am here to support them when they desire, as they are for me. It is a mutual understanding & empathised level of communication. I will always encourage them to explore themselves & others who are also there to benefit them, as they would do the same for me.

I’m not as stoic as I portray here & sometimes my thoughts do betray me when times are bleak, or I’m in a vulnerable frame of mind. I have a habit of self-isolating when this happens because I don’t want to project any of this internal turmoil onto someone I care about & project something that I may regret or have to apologise for later.

I take a step back from everything: no phones, no distractions; I find a sense of nature & think fucking hard. “Why?” It comes to mind a lot: why am I thinking these thoughts or feeling this emotion & why am I concerned about them? From there, I can usually deconstruct my limiting beliefs & if it is an emotional discrepancy, then there are different dynamic outburst practices to rectify my imbalance. It is essential to note what led you down this trail of thought. If you don’t learn from that experience, I will repeat it. Once I have deconstructed & demolished myself in a metaphysical sense, I can rebuild the image I aspire to be.

In extreme cases, I have had to self-reflect on these.

Here comes the good part: I fantasise about what I consider to be my truth of what masculinity is & then I ask myself, “How?”

I am a person of action, so what small thing can I do today & hopefully every day to unlock that version of myself? Three elements always come to mind & that is physique, influence & money. All forms of power are closely linked to my sense of self-worth. So I will do one form of exercise at least once a day, create a post/ draw/ blog (as these are my strengths of influence, I’m not much of a conversationalist) & review my budget or contemplate a new financial venture.

If I look at those aspects & see progression or a sense of accomplishment, I know I am reaching the natural potential of my masculinity. Therefore, I am comfortable with who I am & I know my worth.

Suppose my partner is seeing someone else & I am uncomfortable with it. In that case, it is my responsibility to correct that within myself because if I don’t, I will project that onto them & build a level of resentment within the relationship, eventually leading to failure. This is only speaking from my own experience & what works for me.

But I hope when someone is questioning their masculinity or feeling vulnerable or insecure, they will self-reflect on the “why” & rebuild with the “how.” if they don’t know how they can learn—empowering themselves rather than letting their environment regulate them.

Our ego protects us, but we need to ask why before it destroys more than we can repair.

Rhys