I have ADHD.
One interesting thing about ADHD is that those diagnosed with it have often been found to be more highly sensitive to the positive or negative environments around them1.
Being highly sensitive in our culture is generally not considered to be a good thing, especially when I was growing up. Being sensitive as a guy was not seen as a good look, and myself and others like me were often called ‘bleeding hearts’ ‘too soft’ and other, harsher epithets.
As I get older though, I can see how being sensitive can be an asset, especially in sex work. Hear me out.
Some sounds are inaudible to human ears. Engineers have designed intricate microphones for picking up the quietest of sounds in the most specific of conditions, such as the slightest whisper of a breeze in nature or the sound of a tiny developing baby’s heartbeat.
In the same way, some humans are incredibly sensitive to the ‘sound’ of what is going on around them. And I think that this can be incredibly valuable.
Sex is one of the most vulnerable situations that humans can experience. We allow other humans to get as close as is possible to us, inside of us, and we are exposed to each other in those moments. Working as an escort means that people are making themselves very vulnerable to me, and in that situation, being able to pick up the intricacies in how my clients are feeling is an important skill. Many of us have had previous rough experiences with sex. Perhaps a partner disregarded our words and physical signals, and so many of us stopped giving loud signals about what we did or did not like. Some of us stopped listening to our bodies and what they wanted altogether.
So being able to be someone who can listen out for those tiny signals in partners can be a hugely empowering experience for them (and me as well!). It can assist them in paying attention to their bodies and how they feel; what we want and enjoy does matter, particularly in those who might not find it easy to express these things. So being ‘too soft’ or ‘too sensitive’ can be valuable here, because sensitivity is exactly what these settings require.
It is thought that between 2-7% of adults have ADHD2. In contrast, one study found that 32% of sex workers have ADHD3 (a study in women, but my experience would say this remains true in male sex workers). And while there may be other factors contributing to that increased level, the ability to be highly sensitive to the needs of clients is one that can be enormously beneficial in a field such as sex work. It’s an interesting thought, that ADHD could be an asset in an industry such as this!
The same microphones that pick up those low decibel sounds must be carefully stored and maintained, kept from grit, sand and rain, to enable them to keep doing their delicate work. Using them to record high decibel sounds such as jet planes or screaming sports crowds is inadvisable, as it can damage them (or if it doesn’t damage them, it records those sounds as distortion). In the same way, those with ADHD, and the highly sensitive need to ensure they are looking after themselves carefully, listening to what they require, and avoiding toxic situations that can create internal feelings of distortion within them4.
Well, these have been some of my thoughts on ADHD, sensitivity and sex work. Thanks for reading, and please let me know your thoughts.
References
Panagiotidi, M., Overton, P. G., & Stafford, T. (2018). The relationship between ADHD traits and sensory sensitivity in the general population. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 80, 179–185. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.comppsych.2017.10.008
Song, P., Zha, M., Yang, Q., Zhang, Y., Li, X., & Rudan, I. (2021). The prevalence of adult Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A global systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Global Health, 11, 04009–04009. https://doi.org/10.7189/jogh.11.04009
Pandiyan, K., Kumar, S., & Kota, S. (2021). Risky sexual behavior and its association with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, stressful life events, and other psychiatric correlates among women in sex work. Journal of Psychosexual Health, 3(3), 242–246. https://doi.org/10.1177/26318318211028535
Silny, J. (2020, July 8). My 10 secrets for preserving self and sanity. ADDitude. https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-stress-management-skills-for-adults/
Knowing you’re a bit of a self-proclaimed Marvel nerd, I’d look at it as, you’ve embraced your ADHD as a bit of a superpower…and you’ve done it well! I was able to get so much more out of our time together simply because you were so attuned to what I needed. I walked in thinking I was finally putting an end to one stage of my life, but walked out with the window open on a person I forgot still existed inside me. You made me see that she was in there all along, but she just got a little lost along the way, all because you were able to give me exactly what I didn’t know to ask for…